Replacing Mothership with Friendship

What if kindness, compassion, selflessness and love come authentically only after a process through trauma recovery? What if some forms of nice-ness are trauma responses often called "the fawn response" while kindness is a byproduct of healing? Are we being unrealistic when we ask others to be nice to us? Be nice. Be kind. Be...

The Universal Need to be Visible to Others

I have a need (like all of us) to be seen, heard, and acknowledged. So, what can we do with this primal need when it comes to relationships? Looking deeply at myself in relations with others, I am wondering if it might be unrealistic to expect to feel seen when the other party is triggered....

Co-dependent mother-needing relationships

Some traumas specifically teach us that people are objects to be used. Often, people are in "friendships" for the wrong reasons as a result. When we didn't get love growing up or if we are shut down emotionally (preventing any healing), we might need people not for friendship but for business. This is at the...

My Deeper Feelings about Friendships, Love, and Meaningful Self-conflict

I am the type of person that no matter what happens between a friend and I (even if we break up), I never stop admiring them from afar. My deep feelings about someone are permanent -- even if I sometimes feel rage against them, or complain about them --- I still love them. I never...

Ready To Face Reality

I just realized the other day that I value Truth over friendship. That is where I'm at now on my journey. Truth is the most important to me. Even the most painful difficult truths. I need truth in every aspect of my life. Truth, for me, is Life. I am ready to face reality at...

Relationships: The Secret Key to Deep Healing

It is believed that the more we heal from our past, the more mature and stable we become. This might be a myth. If we are doing the emotional body-centered cathartic healing work, our hearts might begin to open. Once our hearts start opening, we can become more susceptible to emotional and physical flashbacks. This...

The Tricky Part of Boundaries Nobody Talks Abut….

The tricky thing about boundaries is that I might have a boundary that conflicts with yours. Basically we all have some boundaries. The friendships that last are the ones in which both parties' boundaries do not conflict. An old friend of mine said that she preferred to do something this way, but there was no...

Could the Best Diet be Love?

​Many of you might know that when I was on a fruitarian diet that I had gone from being 222 pounds down to 90. I kept a lot of important things out of my diet (i.e. veggies, unrefined salt) at the time and following a fast, started binge-eating again after not binge-eating for decades. I...

Do Those Who Have Been There Really Understand the Most?

Many abuse survivors report that the reason people belittle their feelings is because they haven't been there, so they don't understand. While it's true we judge what we don't understand, we also judge what we don't want to remember or face as well. I was once lurking in an online forum for sexual abuse survivors...

Should We Have a “Here’s My Phone Number Day”?

I love the idea of a suicide hotline. It's a great place to go when there is no other. But it is sad that it even has to exist as it is sad that therapists have to exist. Real friendship is, for the most part, dead. While some of us have pure intentions to help...

The Gift of Freedom to Ourselves

When we allow others to have their own opinion without trying to censor them, we are practicing love; we are probably becoming free ourselves. Refuting claims others make is fine; censorship is a different animal. Censorship not only oppresses others, but it imprisons the oppressors more than anyone else. When we give the gift of...