The Primal Expression of Emotions VS Crying Around the Pain in Circles (Updated!)

You know how they say the eye of the storm is the safest place to be? Some practicioners in body-centered cathartic therapeutic models might call this a “primal”. The primal is the “eye of the storm”…

For the cathartic emotional release aspect of our healing journey, we might find that we start out emoting outside the “eye of the storm” from the grieving adult perspective. In other words, we might only be able to feel “around the pain” from the adult-self and this might last for a while until we feel safe enough to get into the core of the pain (where the magic happens) which is from the perspective of the inner child (it seems to be the inner child, quite literally). When we feel from the adult-self, we may still get some legit relief. However, the life-changing aspect of the healing may not happen until our body feels safe enough to regress back to childhood (which happens automatically) and feel from the vessel of the inner child which would be right smack dab in the “eye of the storm”. My former process partner once told me that I looked just like a little girl after some really deep regressive whaling and crying I had done. She said my physical appearance had changed dramatically. She was amazed how young I appeared. I was 51, but looked maybe 5 years old? My husband says when I regress, I sound just like a newborn baby at times. I think our biology, in that state, follows the child into her own “vessel” since we cannot heal our childhood wounds from the current adult aspect of self.

You might think this sounds painful. It’s not. All the pain and suffering is in the resistance. The pain and suffering is right before I (automatically) drop into my inner child. And I reiterate, this is an INvoluntary process that naturally happens when we are ready to face our demons. (The same happens with other mammals, too, in the wild). Once I have fully regressed, ironically, I feel comfort there. I might be roaring, whaling and thrashing, but I feel unconditional love and support there. And just like with storms, it’s in the eye of the hurricane where we can be the safest or be spared from the harsh winds (the resistance). Bottom line is that it just may be that resistance is why we suffer and surrender is what moves us through our pain and out the other end.

“During this time of recovery, I wasn’t remembering the memories and feelings, I was LIVING them. When memories and feelings are split off and stuffed deeply within the body, it is necessary to disgorge them and feel them as if they are happening in real time. This was not a voluntary decision. When the memories are triggered by a child’s age, a medical procedure, a sexual experience, sound or smell, the memories and feelings are instantly felt and no amount of willing them away or decision to “just get over it” will work”

–Marilyn Van Derbur

I have often told people the best I ever feel is when I am reliving my past. Another bonus: It is life-changing and the impact is permanent. For example….

–deprogramming happens

–insights come pouring in

–clarity is experienced

–our innate wisdom becomes accessible

–old patterns change

–addictions are reduced or eliminated

–health gets better

–critical thinking develops

–the frontal lobe of our brains might also start functioning better (since when we are unhealed we default on the survival aspect of our brains)

You might not need to spend a lot of money and you might not need a magician with a wand. You might just need someone who cares about you to witness your pain without saying a word. I wish I could explain just how powerful this is and yet… is so simple. It’s not easy because we have to take a risk in trusting another human being with our humility, vulnerability and fragility. You have to vet a potential partner out to see if they are a fit for you before you start letting your guards down and before you reveal your inner child. Our inner children have been hurt enough, so find someone in your life that you can entrust with the inner child. I am lucky and blessed to have found a process partner (my current one) to work with that can handle the depths of my pain (at least for now). I hope this lasts because my life is being slowly but surely changed by it.

Image by Jeremy Young from

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