You Can’t Love Yourself Unless You Be Yourself

Did you know you can hide posts from select friends on FB?

It’s so funny. I instinctively know what each of my friends likes and doesn’t likes. I can see right through people not because I’m smart, but because I don’t the way it feels to be judged. I’m a born people-pleaser not because I want to please people as much as I want to avoid others thinking negative things about me. To one degree or another, I believe a lot of us fear rejection and we all try to avoid it at all costs. Here’s an example of how my fear works: Before I post something on Facebook, I think “Well, I’m going to post an astrology meme, so I better hide this from those who would think I was stupid for being into astrology. Gonna post an Ayn Rand quote and while I am not conservative, right-winged or republican, better hide that from my liberal friends since they wouldn’t understand. Gonna post something that questions convention, so better leave my conservative friends out of this one. Gonna post about some really deep feelings since I am going through a rough spot, so I better hide this from those likely to say “get over it” or think I’m weak or seeking attention. Gonna post an accomplishment since I am feeling super proud of myself, so I better hide this from those likely to feel jealous, inadequate or think I am egotistical. Gonna post my beliefs about God, so I better hide this post from the atheists. Gonna post a current picture of myself witch will showcase how fat I have become, so I better hide this from those likely to be critical of fat people. Gonna post THIS POST right now, but I better hide it from those who think I am fishing for compliments.

How about that? Welcome to my inner world.

I’m calling myself out here. I am a very strong person, but this is where I am weak. You have your weaknesses too. We all do. We’re human. I have a fear of being thought of as stupid. I still let people define me. Little by little I have been letting others into my world. I figure, if they don’t like me, it’s all good as that helps me know my crowd. It’s like the game “survivor”. Whoever is left on my island after all my transparency, you’re a keeper. Nobody is perfect. I am sure you have realized yourself that you can’t please everybody. If you are pleasing everyone, you are probably not being fully transparent. If we all reveal ourselves, I am sure we all shall find that we too cannot please the world. I figure the only way I can learn to love myself is by being myself. Every time I hide posts from people, I am conditioning myself to feel ashamed for my opinions. If I need to hide from you, I am ashamed of myself. I have the wrong world-view. I am not good enough for you. Do you see how that can keep me from self-love? Oh yeah! Look at what I had been doing to myself. No no no… I need to start letting people be offended not because I want to free you, but because I want to free myself.

So today I call myself out and make an effort to accept myself by not censoring myself as much. I will never be completely transparent. No way. Some things are for me and my best friends only — the people who understand me inside and out.

“Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them.”
― Albert Einstein

“If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive” ~ Audre Lorde

The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. –Carl Rogers


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