Many of you might know that when I was on a fruitarian diet that I had gone from being 222 pounds down to 90. I kept a lot of important things out of my diet (i.e. veggies, unrefined salt) at the time and following a fast, started binge-eating again after not binge-eating for decades. I gained almost all my weight back.
Fast-forward 4 years and 100 pounds later, my friend wanted me to join a diet club where we’d all be trying to lose weight and inspiring others to do the same. I thought then, wow this is nice, but I really don’t want to lose weight. Then I heard that I could always join overeaters anonymous or even weight-watchers clubs and thought that I didn’t want to do that. I was surprised at what I had overheard a part of myself saying. “Wow, you don’t want to change???” The truth was and still is… I DON’T want to go on a weight loss journey right now. Even though, I am concerned about health and want to feel good, feel alive and healthy and even though I do make changes all the time in a forward direction (my pace), at the same time, I don’t need all that peer pressure to be thin and weigh myself constantly just to feel ashamed for not losing weight fast enough. Some people thrive under peer pressure, but not all of us. Sometimes pressure can cause resistance for others.
The guru I need to follow is Myself.
I need my weight and the amount of food I am eating right now. It is serving a purpose. And if I were to tell you that purpose, I would become more vulnerable than I’d like to be. Only those on the same wavelength as I would understand. I write this because it is important that we know that some people might need to keep their “bad” habits for a reason that we may not understand or appreciate. People are more complex and wise than we give them credit. Everyone already knows what they are doing and why they are doing it — if not consciously, then subconsciously. We all have inner wisdom. We are all here for different reasons and to experience different things. Not everyone wants to change every facet of themselves right this minute. Maybe some need to stay the same for a while for their own reasons and maybe those reasons are why they are able to get out of bed each and every day.
People aren’t stupid. Some are here to learn to love themselves exactly as they are. Maybe fat people are judging themselves far more than the world could ever try to?
Did you know even at 90 pounds, I still worried that others would still think I’m fat?
We don’t owe “pretty” to anyone. We don’t owe our health to anyone. In fact, we don’t owe anybody anything because we’re all supposed to be responsible for our own happiness. I will do my best to love people and be kind, but I’ll be darned I owe anything to anybody.
I used to give my husband a really hard time about the way he took care of himself — especially with regards to diet. I tried for years. He made changes for a while and then went back to his old habits. The foods he eats are ice-cream, very greasy/fried fatty foods, he grazes on fritos or doritos throughout the day and loves Mexican food and fast food. While it is great to educate and offer suggestions to others, if they don’t want to change, then it’s time to back off and let them be who and where they are. My husband is on a journey I don’t understand. My job is not to condemn and shame him. My job is to not arrogantly assume I know what is best for him. My job is to accept and love him as he is as he does not owe me his health. Would I prefer him to be healthy? Yes, and it is for selfish reasons. I don’t want him to leave my side. He is my rock and I don’t want to lose my rock. Those are selfish desires. The selfless thing to do is to let him have HIS own path… for himself. And if he dies, he dies. Maybe there is a lesson in that for me. Maybe the grief and having to become completely independent and responsible for myself is the lesson to help me grow? And maybe there is a lesson in learning how to love him unconditionally?
See how things are so complex?
If we want to show people we care, we will accept and love them as they are. Judgement comes from a place of misunderstanding others, so maybe we need to ask questions to better understand their world and their lens through which they view it to truly appreciate their own path. Friendship and how much we can love someone is all that really matters at the end of the day. People might be less likely to change when they feel judged, anyway. People are more likely to change in supportive, understanding environments where we feel free to be who we are. If we strive to be healthy, maybe the epitome of true health is love?