The Need to Feel We Matter

If we didn’t want others to see who we were, we wouldn’t use social sites on the internet (i.e. blogs, youtube, social media), and we’d keep everything about ourselves in diaries.

Some people love to share recipes, their artwork, their card tricks, their photos, their songs, their bad days, their good days, their job promotion, their opinions, their awards, their best practices, their travel adventures, their ideas, their questions about the world, their battle with mental and/or physical illness, their children, their marriage ups and downs, their failures, their lessons, and their creative gifts or the most mundane stuff like the salad they just ate.

Have you ever asked WHY we do this? From an objective emotionally removed standpoint?

If we weren’t meant to share ourselves with others, we’d be the only ones in the world, I’d figure.

Equally, due to our inherent social nature, when we are healthy, we WANT to know others. We HOPE they share themselves with us.

Sharing is give and take and healthy people do both.

If we’re being brutally honest with ourselves we might know we all need each other. Just watch children. They love to be with others and boy do they ever SHARE! They CRAVE you to get to know them and equally they ask all kinds of questions so that they can know YOU.  The exhibit the curiousness adults lack. And when they are repeatedly ignored, they create imaginary friends. Materialism is born from the same egg. We feel alone and use things to replace real connection to others or we might be trying to impress people we don’t like with a hot looking house. These human quirks could be born out of feeling separate and alone and craving the connection we never had growing up. The most extreme case of this might be casual narcissism.

Sharing on the internet is often suspected to be narcissistic. Some from older generations never really understood the need to share with strangers on blogs, youtube or social media. However narcissism is when you think you’re better than everyone else and you only care about yourself. You inflate your importance and minimize others through jealousy, competitiveness and from feeling superior (inferior). You have no interest in others and no curiosity. You don’t support others when they are down and don’t support them when they are up. The narcissist cannot leave themselves. They are stuck inside their own bubble.

Sharing and wanting to be known isn’t narcissism; it’s who we are. Even before the internet, we knew this. All animals, human and non (including plants and trees too) are inherently social creatures and by our very nature we all know deep down inside that we are all connected. The only difference between us is whether we are aware of our social nature or not. Even for ACTUAL narcissists, they feel the most alone in the world and there is compassion to be had and we might know that it if we replace judgment and hate with curiosity and ask WHY. WHY are some people out there stuck inside themselves? Has anyone ever wondered?

I particularily love the internet because I am a heretic and somewhat introverted as well. Very difficult to make friends in real life. I dislike small talk and wearing a mask out in the real world. Fake smiling and inhibiting parts of myself to make others comfortable was never my cup of tea, though I could if I wanted to, be a pretty good actress. I am just not into that anymore as it affects my mental and physical health. Facebook in particular has helped me find two or three people who are somewhat similar to me where I don’t need to wear my mask. That’s pretty neat.

“Much of the darkness we experience on the physical plane is the result of our belief in separation. We believe that we are individuals, distinct and separate from one another and from Spirit. We believe that we are our physical bodies. The persuasiveness of the illusion is necessary for physical incarnations to provide rich lessons in spiritual growth. If we did not perceive separation, life would lack the gravity it needs to be our teacher, and we would lack the motivation we need to be its pupils.”

~Robert Schwartz (from the book Your Soul’s Plan: Discovering the Real Meaning of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born)

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